Thursday, May 31, 2012

I love grass




And no, not the makes-you-high-kind.
Just grasses in all their shapes and textures and sizes.
Reminds me of a youth and-then-some in South Africa.


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Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Wednesday afternoon

The boys come out early on Wednesdays and Fridays.  
Usually I found it frustrating - trying to figure something out that we could do that would lead to a minimum of fights and tantrums and Exploding Mothers.

Today, beautiful weather, was so different:  I picked the boys up, we drove home, ate lunch in our garden under the umbrella, pasted soccer stickers in the sticker books, lay and watched children's movies, and I even had time to take photos in the garden while Son#1 and Son#2 were playing and Son#3 was napping.

G-r-eat.


Meanwhile, our roses are blooming beautifully.



We even have grapes that are busy becoming grapes.



And all this topped off with a lovely sneaky view through the houses along the dyke, revealing the church tower whose bell chimes every hour and half hour.




Sigh!



What I love about trees


They were there long before I was born,
and will be here long after I've kicked the bucket.

A humbling thought, but oh so important.
Puts everything and everyone in perspective.

Bit of humility never killed anyone.
(I think)



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Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Oh poor us




This was our view for the weekend.

Tut tut tut, I could think of worse things.



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Monday, May 28, 2012

Being True in Trouville

What a wonderful weekend and what a blooming pity that we have to work again tomorrow.
We ended up staying in a gite - right next door to a petit chateau, Le Bon Lieu, very close to Honfleur.

On Sunday, we strolled along the beach in Trouville, the husband occupying the boys on the beach (who were then attacked by a French dog, mind you) while my parents, son#3 and I were sitting down and sipping our coffee and having lunch.



Today we went to Honfleur - always lovely, and spent most of our time in the city park.

The boys went on a giant-trampoline-with-ropes, then a carrousel, then we went for a coffee and crepes (ex-pen-sive), back to the carrousel, the trampoline, and finally back to the gite for lunch.



A long way back home, Son#3 is sick as an old dog, complete with Marlon Brando-voice, but the boys were wonderful, disciplined, kind and lovely.

Now it's a glass of wine for the husband and myself, and then off to BED.

Nighty night!


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Friday, May 25, 2012

C'est Le Weekend: France here we come again

A last minute decision:  going to France this weekend with my parents.
We're staying for the weekend (have to work again on Tuesday); they're staying for the week.
This, of course, depends on whether we can contact the owner of the house in time...



Inbetween Rouen and Amiens, a lovely house with 3000 square meters of nothing around us.
Aaaaaaaah!


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Thursday, May 24, 2012

L'anniversaire

The husband and I have decided to take a trip on a glider for our wedding anniversary in June.



Better get that life insurance in order, me thinks.



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The Muscles from Brussels

What a wonderful Wednesday.
Went to Brussels for work yesterday - a colleague, myself, and 37 students.
We visited the European Parliament, then went on to the European Commission's Green Week.

Lots of exhibits, a few speeches.  
Free lunch and gadgets.
In short:  Something different for a change.
Different = good.



Afterwards we were all dropped off in the center of Brussels, and my colleague and I had Belgian beer, then Belgian chips and mayonnaise on the Grote Markt.



Slightly inebriated back on the bus, back to Breda whilst watching dead-and-gone Whitney Houston in 'The Bodyguard' onboard.

All in all:  A good day!


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Wednesday, May 23, 2012

We are the champions, my friend

Son#1 had a sports day.  



It took a blooming miracle to get him there in the first place.
I received no letter, no email telling me that there even was a sports day to start off with.
And it so happened that I had to drop off all the kids and had a very early class and the husband had to be somewhere north of Amsterdam by 9 a.m.
Sigh.
Left the house at 7h30, Son#3 dropped off at daycare, Son#2 dropped off at school (DRAMA!  I don't want Mommy to gooooooo!).
Late.
Latelatelate.
Drove Son#1 somewhere in the general direction of a sports complex I semi-knew about, and followed cars with strange kids in them.
Phew.
Finally arrived at work almost an hour late for my own class.
Mmmmmmm.

Son#1 had a so-so time:  He won a silver medal, ran a victory lap with the group then decided to run out to the far end of the field ('I wanted to swing on the ropes').



Can't argue with that.




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Tuesday, May 22, 2012

South Indian Monkey Trap

Robert Pirsig describes 'value rigidity'; being rigid in your values.
He uses the South Indian Monkey Trap as an example.

A hollowed-out, chained coconut is placed on the ground with some rice in it.
A hole is made, just big enough for a monkey to put his hand in.
Finally, a monkey comes along, sticks his hand into the coconut to grab the rice.
The villagers run towards him, trying to catch him.
Monkey goes Mad.



Conundrum for Monkey:  I have to let go of the rice if I want to retrieve my hand and escape, or hold onto the rice and be caught and killed.
Mmmmmm, choices choices.

(I can give you a clue:  The monkey dies because he is too rigid in his values, he can't fathom that he can choose differently, be different.  He can't let go of that rice.)

It's busy at work.
I don't want to be that monkey whose hand is stuck and doesn't dare to think differently.
My life is my own.
It doesn't belong to stress or problems or work or other people outside my family.
It's mine, all mine.
Am hoping for the best to be able to think laterally, this week.



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Monday, May 21, 2012

New Life

I can only say that so far, I love our new life.
It's wonderful.
The space, oh the space.
Room enough for everyone.
Space and landscape that allows the soul to breathe again.





My mother and I took all 3 boys to Drimmelen yesterday.
They have a lovely little fenced park in the marina.
It was a gloriously sunny day, and Son#3 enjoyed his freedom (finally!!) crawling around on the grass.
If it was possible for him to scream, I'm sure he would be shouting 'Free!  Free at last!'.
Son#1 and Son#2 gladly played for 2 and a half hours, befriending everyone in the park, rolling downhill, kicking balls.
Every now and then, a yacht's sail would appear behind the dyke, and I kept repeating to my mother that I have to pinch myself to think that we get to experience all of this. 

Finally at almost 6 o' clock, we headed home. 
All this loveliness only a mere 6 kilometers from our home.
We lived a good life in Breda, but our life was small.
Small house, small perspectives.
Our horizons have broadened now that we live in Hooge Zwaluwe.
Lebensraum is what we have now.
Pri-vi-liged.
That's what we are.

Last night the rain came down hard but I went to bed with a smile on my face.
And that doesn't happen often.


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Sunday, May 20, 2012

For the love of Philosophy

If you'll excuse the tautology.
My mother and I have both developed an interest in philosophy over the years.

Reading Pirsig's Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance again, made me realize that I may lack the sophistication and ability to formulate questions (and answers), but that the questions are present nonetheless.
Thank goodness for the philosophers and thinkers in this world that can formulate my thoughts for me!

Next stop:  A.C. Grayling's The Reason of Things, which my mother enjoyed reading and thinking about.



Watch this space!



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Cooking up a storm




In my used-to-be-clean-and-organized-cellar for crying out loud!!



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Saturday, May 19, 2012

It was a good day

It was a gorgeous Saturday.
Glorious, balmy 21 degrees, sunshine galore, playing kids, minimum fights, just enough energy for Mummy to last until bedtime.

The kids ran around in shorts and t-shirts, I even have the full coat hook to prove it:



Can you believe it?  
Not a sweater on in sight.

Tonight the husband is staying at friends' in Breda.
Home alone (with 3 kids in the main house, old farts in the guest quarters).
Had a lovely shower, chat with my mother, massaged my achy legs with Tiger Balm and am now lying in bed with my laptop.
How cool is that!
Will sleep well tonight, I can just feel it!


Life is goooood.



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C'est Le Weekend: Sentimental Sap

Son#3 has decided that Boob no longer takes his preference, and now wants Bottles instead.
The mother has problems with this.
Firstly, I happen to think it's lovely being alone with Son#3, and secondly, I'll just come out and say it:  I want Son#3 to stay small and live with me forever.  
I'd also like to avoid him reaching his terrible toddler years where I might develop nasty thoughts in reaction to bad behaviour like I did with Son#1 and Son#2.
Don't leave me, bunny!  (Needyneedyneedy)



Son#2 woke at 4h30 this morning, and we've been in and out of bed ever since.  
No-one really slept again after that.
Son#1 feels the need to come and report Son#2's naughty behaviour and litany of swear words, so inbetween bouts of Son#2 making his entrance and insisting on 'telling us something', we had Kiddie Cop#1 also interrupting much-needed rest.

Sigh.
Now it's Saturday and our weekend lies ahead.
There is a Jazz festival in Breda this weekend and the husband is going with friends.
Wish I could also escape.
Luckily my friend Elma is coming to see the new house and the boys are excited - new friends and chicks to impress.

The husband and I went to the movies last night - MarthaMarcyMayMarlene - and it was riveting.
The husband and I are quiet.  Stressed and quiet.  

Other than that, I'm nursing my wounds and going to give myself a leg massage in a minute:  
I trimmed all the hedges yesterday, and I've been paying for this all through the night and still do...

Have a great weekend!



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Friday, May 18, 2012

Happiness

This is what Happiness looks like:  



Son#3 must be the easiest and best baby in the entire universe.  
It's not just motherly love, this child is good to the bone.
So glad we went for Baby Number Three:  What an absolute joy of a child he is.

The husband took my parents on a boat trip of the local rivers while I took Son#1, Son#2 and Son#3 to the supermarket and then the plant nursery close by.
I know, I know:  Excitement is my middle name.

But, despite it being a boring outing, the kids were fairly well-behaved, and we bought some seeds and soil to start my market garden that will be feeding us this autumn and winter - if all goes according to plan.



I even got my fingernails full of yummy dirt while whistling Frank Sinatra tunes in the garden.  
It was lovely.
Tomorrow I'm going to get some more soil so I can plant my sage and radishes.  

Just to top off this Countryside Experience, our neighbours bought some home-made fig jam round.

My City Mouse to Country Mouse-transition is progressing smoothly.


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Thursday, May 17, 2012

I want

I want more strawberries



And I'm willing to beg



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Change is more difficult than you think

Well, duh.
But, you see, the problem is that I keep thinking that change is easy and inevitable.
It isn't.
One can easily get stuck in some crappy rut where it's very difficult to crawl out again.

I sincerely thought - and please don't call the authorities now because I'm clearly displaying a severely below average intelligence and should not be mothering any children - I sincerely thought that we would all be different when we moved to the new home.
Had all my hopes pinned on this.
And with 'different', I mean good-different, not bad-different.

Meanwhile back at the ranch though, Son#1 is slowly but surely turning into a responsible, kind and enjoyable boy, whilst Son#2 has turned into - and I'm trying to be kind and fair here - Satan.

Yesterday, his litany of sins included:  Scratching a new DVD beyond recognition - on purpose, breaking a wooden stool (ahem, on purpose again), chucking rocks at the windows and at his brother, swearing several times and had to eat soap (old school mothering, not effective yet), breaking two toy cars, sticking his tongue out and screaming at me several times, leaving a nice clean-up job for me in the WC although he's perfectly capable of using it like a big boy, not following a single instruction thrown at him.  Not one.
Needn't even add that he did all these things on purpose.
I'm sure that even Anton LaVey himself was kinder to his mother.

Anyway, Son#2 was sent to bed with a few red bum cheeks.  Mother was put on a wine-drip, and calmed down eventually.

I spent the evening looking at photos from our great holiday in France last year in the summer, hoping to feel kind and loving again.
And finally, I did.



Even gave the little demon a kiss good-night.



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Wednesday, May 16, 2012

We love Ali Farka Toure

Son#3 and I drove to work and school yesterday morning. 
Son#3 was feeling miffed about it and complained for half the ride to Breda, until his mother finally got the bright idea to put some music on.  Loudly.

Ali Farka Toure and Ry Cooder instantly soothed my teething babe, and me who had a stress-filled, sleepless night thinking about work and difficult meetings.


Beautiful to see bunny calming down and staring out the window in peace.
Beautiful to hear.
Africa is always close when I need it.


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Tuesday, May 15, 2012

All Groan Up

Thank goodness that I don't have any aspirations to change the world or anything - nothing that would require me to enter politics or play political games.
I just want to win the lottery, paint, write and travel the world with the husband and kids in tow.
Try to be kind to those I meet.
None of this work-stuff, these tactical games that I have to play day in, day out at my place of work.



Sad to say but I just can't seem to find my place in this working world.  
Perhaps I'm more suited to working in a mail room with zero colleagues and solitude.  
Mechanical motions, lots of time to think and dream.
Am I the only person feeling this way?  

Will stop my torturous tirade for today.  Groan groan groan.  
Thank goodness for a few valuable pearls amongst my network of colleagues!






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Monday, May 14, 2012

Behold, the playroom






With its glass walls, American oak floors, and happy, murderous child.
Luck is on our side!


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It's only a new beginning

Nothing to be scared of.
Just a fresh start.

I've been quiet, I'm sorry.  This business of moving and not having internet in a small town where there are no unsecured networks to surf the 'net on kind of tripped me up this week.
We have almost unpacked all our stuff.
Just need to find things like cables for computers and cameras and batteries again.
All in good time.

This morning we handed over the keys of our old home to a lovely couple, baby on the way.
I started crying.
All the memories of our boys - where they lay and watched tv, where they took their first steps, where their little heads lay in little beds and slept (or not). 
Our garden. 
Our front door.
The hallway where the buggy stood which-was-too-big-for-the-hallway-anyway.

After signing our old home over to the nice new couple, the husband and I went for a solemn cup of coffee in town. 
It's the husband's birthday today, too.




I hope, sincerely hope, that the new owners will have a happy and peaceful life there. 

New home, new memories to be made.
On towards a new, fresh, blank-page week.


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Thursday, May 10, 2012

Son#2



Accomplice to Son#1.
 Together we can do a loooooot of damage.


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Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Organizing Genius!

Last night I felt inspired and decided to organize the kids' playroom. 
It looks spectacular, and this morning they played purposefully for the first time in (it might be) years, instead of the usual tipping-out-stuff-all-over-the-floor-and-then-not-cleaning-up.
Will add a few pictures later this week.

One room down, 12 to go.
Feeling all fuzzy and good about my success this morning, I've been scanning the internet (instead of doing my mountain of work) and I found this clever idea:



Isn't it cool? 
I'm stealing this idea for my art studio, where I plan on painting and writing whilst my angelic cherubic children will peacefully play at my feet.
I can see it all in my mind's eye.

Having been absent from work for the past two weeks due to the May holiday, it's interesting to see what stress, and specifically work stress, does to me.
Yesterday, my first day back on the job, left me cranky and short with the kids, unable to handle their tiredness. 
I really must find a way to deal with stresses in my life. 
How I don't know, but I need to make it a priority after all this moving-house-business is done and we're settled in.
Thank goodness for my lovely parents and all their help with kids & life in general. 
Worth their weight in gold, let me tell you.

Happy thoughts, happy thoughts, happy thoughts.



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Monday, May 7, 2012

Monday & back from Mars

We moved.
The removal truck had to make two trips to remove all our stuff from our small house.
What can I say other than that the new house is gorgeous, enormous, lovely and wonderful?
The quiet at night is even awesome, and all only a mere 12 minutes away from Breda.

Now the ginormous task to decide what stays, where it should stay and what to chuck.
And there is a lot of stuff to chuck.



Unfortunately, I had to start work again today, and I have to admit that my thoughts are not on my work.
To be completely honest:  I don't have a cooking clue as to what I am supposed to be doing.
Once we get the internet hooked up in our new house, I will breathe again. 
Then I can at least try and figure my job out from the comfort of my own home.
And it already feels like Home!


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Friday, May 4, 2012

C'est Le Weekend: Day of Reckoning

This is it.
At 8 a.m. this morning, the removal company will be at our door and ready to go.
Will be taking a blog break until Monday because I can't imagine being able (or allowed by the husband) to post in the midst of this chaos.
Just to make everything a bit more challenging, we even went to Ikea to buy a new bed for us which will be delivered to the new house today, and then ended up renting a trailer as we found a good sleeper couch for our (ahem) guest quarters.

Guest quarters.
Never thought we'd own a house with guest quarters.
Bunch of plebs like ourselves.

Behind our house in the garden is an old barn that has been converted to an office with two kitchens and a WC.
The top floor will house the guest quarters (pronounced in a very affected way), and on the ground floor is an office for the husband, an art studio-cum-playroom for me and the kids, an archive and a kitchen.

Behold, our garden with house and barn.



It's going to be a tough weekend, but the move is inevitable.
No way out but going forward.
Through the park, and don't spare the horses!

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Thursday, May 3, 2012

My new garden

Yesterday I spent the better part of the morning cleaning my new stove while Son#1 and Son#2 had intermittent fights and bust-ups in the garden.  
What a way to introduce ourselves to the neighbourhood.
I finally called it quits and chased the little mongrels inside after Son#2 bashed his older brother with an enormous stick and Son#1 was howling blue murder.
Enough was enough.
While I was cleaning away, Son#3 - an angel - sat quietly in his high chair munching rice cakes and sucking on his pacifier.  
(Note the low ceilings - dyke houses are like that on the floors below the dyke, and the husband only just manages to walk underneath the beams here in our kitchen and dining room)



Bless this child.
Sigh.

We have the loveliest garden.
It's not enormous but it is quite big for Dutch standards.  
The garden is bordered by an old cast iron gate (will post a picture over the weekend).
I love my 2 apple trees guarding over the sandpit!





There is even a pear tree next to our black shed (which I love!).





One more night in our old home.
Am getting a bit nostalgic about leaving our current home.
It's the change that is scaring me most, I suppose. 
Having to fit in all over again.
Having to find things like a cash machine or a supermarket or a person that can fix our bikes.
Having to introduce myself to the neighbours which is something I'm far too shy to do.
And I feel very sad today about leaving this house where the better part of my real adult life was spent (i.e. where we had kids and had to pretend that we were mature).
Am probably being a wimp, but that's the truth.
It's great that my parents are coming - both the husband and I feel better about the whole process knowing they are arriving tomorrow.

Just one more night that Son#3 and I will sleep in the same room.
I love him so, I will miss being close to him at night.


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Wednesday, May 2, 2012

A key to the 18th century

This is what a key from roughly 1700 AD looks like (apart from my handsome Son#1):



And this enormous chunk of iron is our new front door key.  
If we lose it, we'll have a problem as there is only one in this world.
How cool is that!


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Pretty Boy



Ruler of the Roost

Perhaps I should get chickens for the new house.
It is a truly gorgeous home.  
Don't think it's quite sunk in yet that we get to live there.

Today the big clean-up of the new house, and then to the old home again to pack some more.

Am working on photos of our new pad.
Yesterday Son#1 and Son#2 sat in the garden under the apple trees (we have two!!) and it was a simply beautiful picture.
Sunlight filtering through dappled leaves and blossoms.
Pity I forgot to take a photo.

Yay new home!


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Tuesday, May 1, 2012

In the meantime

While we are off to the notary to get the keys to our new home, I thought I'd share Son#2's impression of 'hanging around':




Pretty damn cool!

Meanwhile, the husband took Son#1 and Son#2 to the beach yesterday and I packed and packed and packed and shuffled boxes to and fro.

Son#3 took his revenge on being left out of the beach trip and cried from 2 a.m. onwards.
Am tired and stressed today.
Nervous!
I hopehopehope that the house will feel good and that we will have happy and easy years there.
Easy = good.

The end [of moving house] is [hopefully] near!


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